CAUTION! RED FLAGS AHEAD!
Red flags, everyone has them! But the problem is, you might not be seeing them. It’s time to take those rose-tinted glasses off and look alive. We need to seriously sit down and discuss the dating woes college singles face daily. In college, you are pushed into a sea of singles, all perusing dating apps and parties, trying to find “the one.” From Tinder swipes to situationships, you can’t help but get the ick from these potential suitors. So, I asked, “Why not gather the scathing opinions of the student body?” Today, we are listing the red flags that sent everyone running for the hills. Consider this a warning for your love life.
Lack of Effort
I know some of y'all are already nodding in agreement. To make something work, you have to put your best foot forward, which means making an effort! Don’t be the guy who doesn’t call, or plans dates just to leave the ladies hanging. Being “nonchalant” might (for whatever reason) be an aspiration for some young men, but trust me, it is insanely unattractive. None of us have time to beg like Meredith Grey — “Pick me. Choose me. Love me.” You’d catch me dead before doing all that.
Just take it from this 19-year-old female. She recounts, “Long story short, I wasted 3-4 months on something that I thought was going somewhere. We went on multiple dates… most were my idea — even when I asked for opinions, it was always ‘I'm good with whatever’ or ‘you’re the one who likes going out, so I’ll go with you.’”
My eyes are already rolling, but let’s continue.
She went on to add, “I leave for vacation and come back to find out he hopped back on Tinder, updated his profile, and matched with a friend of mine. He reached out to her first, complimented her, and was actively looking for physical relationships. I wasn’t planning to be gaslit to crawl back to him after he literally hit on my best friend. Although it hurt, I dropped him because I have respect for myself and my friend. Something he clearly lacks for himself…”
Couldn’t have said it better myself, girlfriend.
Sometimes, a lack of effort can be your telltale sign that they aren’t worth your time of day! You don’t deserve a dusty who looks for something shiny and new as soon as you’re out of the picture for five seconds. Someone who puts time and effort into you is someone deserving of you.
Terrible Communication
So, I met you on a dating app, which is on your phone? But now it takes you five days to text me back. Sure, it adds up.
I’m no mathematician, but it certainly does not! What’s a talking stage for if there’s no talking? A lot of the time, in these early blossoming relationships, things get lost in translation. Are we exclusive? Are we dating? Are you seeing other people? Are you sleeping with other people? All roads lead to the classic question: “What are we?” A 19-year-old female says she “hates when men say they value communication and claim to know how to communicate, but can’t be blunt when it comes to answering the ‘what are we?’ question a few dates in.” If intentions aren’t communicated early on, then sadly, you just wasted your precious time. Sometimes, there are more parties in this line of communication than you previously thought. Enter the ex.
Funny enough, two 19-year-old females recounted their experiences with the guy they were talking to and the unwanted third party. The first established a hard “no exes” rule. Of course, he did what men do best: not listen. While she was at work, he was at home, calling his ex every day and passing her off as “a friend.” Cherry on top, he was also playing Fortnite with her baby brothers. Yikes! That is the opposite of a Victory Royale.
The second girl’s story is better if I quote her directly. Of course, some will be redacted. “Tell me why I was sleeping with this guy, and BOOM. HIS GIRL CALLED. I’m like, YOU HAVE A GIRL?? Hell nah. So, I tried to get up, but then he PICKED UP THE PHONE. He starts talking to her WHILE we are doing the deed.”
OH MY! I would like to apologize to these ladies because what they went through was indeed a nightmare. Communication is key, and if you find someone is beating around the bush of truth, then they don’t deserve the keys to your heart!
Smile for the Camera... uh, next!
The number one complaint I got about dating profiles was pictures. Snapchat filters, bad-quality photos, a lack of photos, etc., are all making the sexy singles say “yuck” and swipe left. Frankly, you are setting yourself up for failure if your profile is all group pictures. Why are you forcing me to play a guessing game? Then, I find out your friend is actually the cuter one, and the crowd goes mild.
A 20-year-old single male said he hates “when girls post pics with guys in them. You’re advertising yourself. Why is there another guy?” I would say most women also agree with this when the roles are reversed. Why are you on dating apps? Just date the person in the photo instead!
Also, I hate to sound old-fashioned, but take those thirst-trap body pictures off the profile. They give the same energy as in the 1800s when ankles were taboo. I don’t even know you, and I’ve seen stuff I really shouldn’t have.
“Stop posing like a harlot. Thee needeth to stayeth hence from me.”
Sweating the Small Stuff
“Pettiness over small things is a huge red flag for me,” says an anonymous 20-year-old male. Patience is a virtue. And not everyone has it. Understanding and being patient with your partner is what makes it last. These SMALL outbursts can be the demise of a relationship.
An anonymous 20-year-old male shared, “The last few weeks of our relationship, she would literally get mad at any and everything. Now, I’ll admit, some things she got mad at were my fault, but the vast majority of it DEFINITELY wasn’t. It quickly ruined our relationship. Most of the time when people are irritable like that, it’s cause of some underlying problem. So, if you’re acting like this, or your partner is acting like this, it might be a good idea to sit down and have an actual conversation like adults.”
Unfortunate situation for the young man, but nonetheless, great advice.
Some Men Only Want One Thing...
I will never forget a tweet where a woman posted a screenshot of a man she’d just started talking to. She asked him, “What are your love languages?” He responded, “Mine is physical touch, so I’ll need to sleep with you before we continue talking.” ...Oh? She blocked him. Yes, girl, as you should. That man had obviously lost his damn mind.
Physical touch is one of the five love languages, but you have to draw the line when people are strictly taking advantage of you. A 20-year-old female recalled, “I was with a boy who pursued me first and was the nicest person alive. A month into us dating I realized he just wanted one thing. When I gave it to him, it just got worse, but I felt as though he was gaslighting me into thinking he was a great boyfriend. It took me a few more months to finally realize. It did not make me feel good.” Exactly like she said, those situations leave a damper on your psyche. When you first spot this red flag, it’s okay to draw the line in the sand and remind yourself that you deserve more! Stay away from the red flag bearers and be around those who have your best interest at heart.
On a lighter tone, another 20-year-old female experienced physical touch in an odd way. She said, “This guy I was talking to had a foot fetish, and I caught him rubbing my feet while I was sleeping.” Ma'am... I need a minute. My jaw DROPPED. I would say you should have run away as fast as you could've, but he probably would have been holding your feet then, too. Sorry…, is it too soon?
Shoutout to all the sexy singles out there. Love is a battlefield, and you all deserve a badge of honor. Take these anonymous stories as your warning signs. If you encounter any of these, PLEASE, it’s not worth it. When asked about a dating horror story, an anonymous 19-year-old female said, “Dating men is a horror story. Period.” Wow, straight poetry. Well said, girl. Stay safe in these dating streets.