Standing Out Means Fitting In
By Julia Ryan
I visited my boyfriend this spring at the University of Delaware (UD). As a Drexel student, his spacious and homey campus vastly differs from the cramped city campus I am used to. What was also different was the steady stream of students dressed in similar, casual athleisure styles and repping brands like Nike, Aerie, and Lululemon. During our picnic in the center of campus, I noticed a group of sorority girls dressed in matching white dresses and posing for group photos. They all wore white heels, held onto a shoulder bag, had curled hair, and had some light spring makeup done (mascara, concealer, blush, and subtle eyeliner.) I was intrigued by how comfortable they were among each other, how enthusiastically they spoke, but primarily by how similarly they dressed.
Drexel has had a significant impact on the way I choose to dress. Living in Philadelphia means being surrounded by people from diverse backgrounds, influencing me to embrace various aesthetics, from streetwear to coquette, bohemian, classic, and preppy styles. Most people around me find new ways to style their outfits daily. At Drexel, there is an unspoken expectation to stand out, driving us to express our individuality through fashion. Not only does the student body at Drexel celebrate individuality and creativity, but students are even encouraged to push the boundaries of how they express themselves. Drexel is a place where uniqueness is supported and expected, and students dress accordingly.
To help me understand and unravel the complex interplay between fitting in and standing out on a psychological level, I met with Stacey Balentine, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in Wilmington, Delaware. With a BA in Psychology from West Chester University and a master's degree in social service from Bryn Mawr College, Balentine brings a wealth of knowledge from her diverse training in psychodynamic frameworks, cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), and more.
She explains that how we dress significantly impacts how we feel, act, and behave. "When someone takes the time to care for themselves and dress in a way that they feel good about, they often tap into greater self-confidence and presence," she says. This external self-care can influence our internal self-talk, affecting our mood and social interactions. It is a cycle where our appearance can boost our self-esteem, enhancing our social experiences.
"When someone takes the time to care for themselves and dress in a way that they feel good about, they often tap into greater self-confidence and presence."
Regarding group dynamics, Balentine highlights that humans are inherently social creatures. "From a biological perspective, our survival historically depended on being part of a group," she explains. This evolutionary trait makes us naturally inclined to seek belonging and approval from others. Dressing similarly to a group can signal our membership and shared values, creating a sense of safety and connection.
Do her insights represent how students actually feel? To better understand why people dress the way they do, I talked to students from both colleges to get direct insights into this topic. Unsurprisingly, most University of Delaware students' responses reinforced the idea that the average student dresses casually and comfortably and that most students would prefer to fit in.
One University of Delaware student respondent, 22 years old and majoring in Finance, explained that most students want to fit in because “UD culture is very frat and sorority-based. I think many people [feel] required to fit a certain standard for the group that they belong to.”
Another UD student, 19 years old and studying Early Childhood Education, revealed that she dresses to stand out. She states, "The last thing [I want] is to look just like every other girl.” Interestingly, her answer to “Have you ever dressed differently to fit in?” provided a much different answer but deeper insight. She admitted, “Yes, I used to want to fit in so people would like me or so I could be popular.” This comment struck me that - as a Drexel student - dressing uniquely to stand out is what makes me feel more popular or liked. In contrast to what students at the University of Delaware experience, dressing differently at Drexel makes me feel like I fit in. I wondered if fitting in meant different things at the two colleges.
A few Drexel students mentioned that most students who dress differently from the general public are Westphal College of Art and Design students. One mentioned that Westphal students are more experimental in their clothing choices, and because it is a big art school, students take pride in dressing up for classes and finding a unique style that fits them. I began to worry that it might just be the art and design college that dresses so eccentric. I asked my close friend, who studies fashion design and merchandising at the University of Delaware, if students in Delaware’s art and design college dress as uniquely as those at Drexel. The answer I got not only alleviated my worries but was also a lot more straightforward than I expected: “Nope,” she said. Shocked by the simplicity, I asked her to tell me more about the campus culture and why she thinks University of Delaware students stuck to what they knew best.
After speaking with her, I learned that tradition and conformity are deeply embedded in the campus culture at the University of Delaware. Many students find comfort in blending in, adhering to unspoken dress codes, and following social media trends. Speaking directly to a handful of UD students through a survey, many revealed that fitting in often involves sacrifices, like adhering to the dress codes of fraternity and sorority events or following the latest fashion trends to avoid social exclusion. For many, the rewards of belonging outweigh the desire for individuality, as being part of a group offers social validation and a sense of security. “I’ve wanted to dress more similarly to the people around me to not seem like the odd one out.” said one Delaware student.
In contrast, Drexel University thrives on individuality and diversity in attire. Students here boldly embrace their unique identities. Through surveys, many Drexel students shared how their unconventional fashion choices and creative pursuits are celebrated, making them feel empowered and authentic. I definitely relate: I’m used to getting compliments on my bohemian style while walking through the hallways at Drexel, but I’ve rarely experienced this the times I visited the University of Delaware. The culture at Drexel fosters an environment where standing out is the norm, and students take pride in their distinctiveness.
From my discussions with Stacey Balentine and my survey, I've found that people strive to be accepted. How people dress is a huge determining factor in whether people feel like they fit in with those around them. Something more surprising I learned from this exploration, which seems obvious looking back on it, was that fitting in means different things for different environments. While University of Delaware students celebrate conformity and the power of the collective, Drexel students celebrate individuality and the strength in self-expression. Neither is more important than the other, but both are uniquely powerful. Students often seek to fit into their environments. Thus, the conclusion I was searching for finally became apparent: Drexel students find comfort in standing out, and Delaware students find comfort in fitting in.
As we navigate the college experience, finding a balance that resonates with our true selves is essential. Embracing authenticity, whether it means fitting in or standing out as a means of fitting in, can foster genuine connections and self-fulfillment. Stacey Balentine reminds us that "having internal tension is a really good thing as it helps to propel us to be curious and to learn more about what makes us who we are." I encourage you to reflect on your journey of self-discovery and embrace the aspects of your identity that bring you joy and confidence, whether you blend in or stand out.